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Humor: Yann Marguet laughs at Halloween

ByJean-Michel

It was in 2018 when the comic Romand worked at Couleur 3 radio and hosted the satirical program "Les Orties"... He now appears on programs in France.

Yann Marguet on the Louvre Heist

Yann Marguet on Halloween

Text of Yann Marguet's sketch – Halloween, the commercial holiday but also a sudden face-to-face encounter with death, whereas the rest of the year we avoid talking about it.

Nettles are unpleasant, but not malicious, but they're still unpleasant, you know. Hey there! You don't come to parties anymore, do you? No, I had to go to Mâme's. 

But Franck, that's me! Ah yes, that's you, Yann! Ah yes Franck, and in about ten days, it will be the festival of little morbac in trunks of thrills.

And already, the shops have put up, as every year, their not-so-impressive horror decorations. Oh my god! A spider web, how awful! It's Halloween! We want candy! But what is Halloween? Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh, definition. 

Halloween is a threat, a trick or a treat, uttered on your doorstep by a ghost as tall as a well-executed low kick. Halloween is trick or treat, which makes no sense. At our age, Halloween is about as scary as reading a goosebumps book at midday, in broad daylight, while listening to Patrick Sébastien songs. 

Halloween is basically a "get lost!" Halloween is originally the Celtic festival of Samhain, but hey, that's history and it wasn't about buying crap, so I guess nobody cares. Halloween is pumpkins all over the streets, well yeah, moms have to take their kids out somehow. 

Fifteen years ago, we didn't care about Halloween, then it was all about the mobs, and now, we still couldn't care less. Halloween is like, "There's no Halloween here." Halloween is tears, ma'am, the tears of little Léon, three years old, who can't yet tell the difference between a real witch and his five-year-old sister in costume. Halloween is children, so that's what Halloween is, in essence. Audran, Noam, Blanche, the inimitable Matisse, and all their little buddies from Generation Z, born between 2005 and 2015, will be coming in a few days to collect the candy they'll have broken beforehand by ringing your intercom fifteen times. It's always rather ironic to think that Halloween is a holiday for children.

On the one hand, they're told that Grandma's gone to Nicaragua forever because no one dares talk to them about death, and on the other hand, they're allowed to dress up as Freddy Krueger or Guy Georges for their lame party—it's astonishing, to say the least. It's also astonishing that these hotties enjoy being scared, sure, but not too much. 

Tell them a story with absolutely no scientific basis about a completely white woman who appears at night, we don't really know how, on the cantonal roads, and then it'll be a huge hit. Show up in their room around one in the morning with a machete and a pig's head freshly bought that morning from the slaughterhouse, and then it's a complete disaster. So, you have to know at some point, kids, is it Halloween or is it Halo comics? Okay, now that the essentials are out of the way, Halloween isn't just for kids, it's also for adults, much to our dismay. So, if you're not one of those who exclaimed at the first sign of the evening, "Oh crap, Michel, it's Halloween, we completely forgot to buy some stuff," well, I don't know, give them some sea buckthorn liqueur, they'll be happy, then it's probably because you were prepared. You're one of those fascinating people who think that at Halloween, like at any party that demands fun, dressing up is just too good. So, when it comes to women's costumes...,

Halloween, if you will, is a bit like the cemetery of the Paquis, most of the girls dress up as dead whores, Halloween is supposed to be scary, but if you can get a little high in the Mad's toilets on the way, that's nice, dirty witches, demonic birch, sexy zombies, if there's one thing that doesn't scare guys at a Halloween party, it's not being able to get laid, speaking of guys, so they dress up but when they want it, they can get away with anything, especially dressing up in things that aren't scary, they haven't read the memo, they dress up as cowboys, princes, shit, superheroes, in white t-shirts, they don't give a damn, there's a firebrand there, we wouldn't want to make a bad impression either, but hey, Halloween isn't just for people who go to Mad, it's also those who stay at home, I'm thinking in particular of pedophiles, it's a bit like shop.ch for them, it's your food that comes knocking at the door, it's a godsend, then you have plenty of excuses at Halloween if you're a pedophile, well, Mr. Judge, I'm sorry, I dressed up as Marc Dutroux, I thought the kid had understood the reference, or I don't know, Mr. Judge, he rings my doorbell, he makes me get turned on, well unfortunately I didn't have a turn, but I had a hard-on, you have to know what he wants too, I say to the whole community of color 3 pedophile listeners, try it, in court it costs nothing, and it's still likely to work, with our lax justice. We spend three weeks, when's the Swiss spring break so we can blow all our money on weed and partying in our own Cancun, Rimini? When's Black Friday? Oh yeah, in a month, hurray, hurray, so many opportunities to consume. Halloween, Franck, is supposed to be a scary holiday, but our capacity to buy all the crap they throw at us year-round, that's perhaps the most terrifying thing. See you next week.

Halloween video

frightened puma

Rebel Kangaroo

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